So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
