This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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