He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
