it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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