3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
