I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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