before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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