After last night, I could never be a politician.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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