if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
