Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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