She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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