I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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