Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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