Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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