just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
