Can Purell be used as lube?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
