I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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