So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
