Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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