Moan for me like Helen Keller
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
