At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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