I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
