We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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