Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
