she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
