I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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