I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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