I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
