We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
