Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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