Your mouth is God's brothel.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
God I need to hump something, right now.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
