I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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