just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
