Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
