So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We're too hungover to prance.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
