Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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