I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
