The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
