Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
