tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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