yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize