he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
