Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
