he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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