she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
