This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
