Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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