a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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