I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize