Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
