Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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