They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Sober January is a disaster.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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