my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
