I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize