it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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