When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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