Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
