mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
home. puking in laundry basket.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
These tits shall not be calmed
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
