why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
