Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
