note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
