At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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