Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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