real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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