party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
