hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
