Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize