We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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