Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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